out in turkey

Disclaimer: Opinions here are only reflective of our experiences. Please do your own research and make informed decisions about your safety and comfort.

Turkey was the trip I had the most trepidation about traveling around as a gay couple. I had a tough time finding others’ individual experiences on what it was like to visit Turkey as an LGBTQ couple, and especially experiences had by lesbians. So let’s get into it!

As a mostly Muslim country, being LGBTQ is not overtly accepted in Turkish culture. There are no laws regarding homosexuality, however, and attitudes on the topic can vary greatly depending on the area you are in. Cities like Istanbul and Izmir are generally said to be more accepting, along with some of the seaside towns, especially Bodrum. While in 2013 Istanbul celebrated a Pride Parade, various other LGBTQ events have been blocked in subsequent years and have been denied government support. You will not see any visible LGBTQ culture or community in Turkey unless you specifically seek it out, and I advise to do so with care. 

It was important for us to discuss our approach to this cultural perspective prior to departing. We both agreed to not kiss, touch, or be affectionate in public. This is in accordance with all guides we read even for heterosexual couples, and we thought this discretion would be respectful being a lesbian couple, as well. We figured we’d pass as friends and decided not to outwardly tell anyone we were “together.” On the plane ride there we concocted an elaborate friend “meet cute” story that  involved ex-boyfriends, college and rugby. I forget the details and of course no one ever asked, but it was quite fun to create our “cover”.

What was our EXPERIENCE 

Interestingly enough, it seemed we received the most attention in Istanbul, and by “we,” I mean Nat. Her more masculine appearance caught the eye of some older women, but no one ever approached us or appeared to treat us any differently. Hotels asked whether we wanted to change our shared bed to two doubles at check-in, yet were unphased when we politely declined the offer. Throughout the trip, Nat felt people thought we were friends and I think for the most part people assumed that. While our younger tour guide in Cappadocia clearly seemed to get that we were indeed a couple, the older staff on our gulet boat trip didn’t make the connection. They referred to us as “friends” even after we had said we were a couple and were seen holding hands. (To be clear, we did explicitly identify ourselves as a couple in order to receive a double bed as opposed to a bunk bed on the boat—this was the only time on the trip we did so.) It should be noted that it is common for same sex friends, especially men, to hold hands, in Turkish culture.

All in all, we never experienced outright rejection or discrimination based on our sexuality. That being said, we also did very few things that identified us as a couple, and that was a choice we made. If you choose to travel to Turkey as a gay couple, I advise you to do your research, discuss with your partner what you are comfortable with, and make an informed decision—together. If your appearance does not match gender norms, you might receive stares. If you choose to be affectionate in public, you will likely receive unwanted attention and depending on where you are, possibly be putting yourself in danger. However, if in a city, I am not sure how much that attention would differ from a hetero couple, as any PDA is uncommon and frowned upon.

How we MANAGED

It was hard! There were moments in touristy areas when other couples were affectionate but we didn’t feel comfortable. Another couple from the US even asked us if we were having a hard time, as their gay brother had chosen not to visit Turkey due to his fear. Some days we’d leave the hotel room in the morning and I’d say “oh no! We forgot to get a last kiss!”. We made up a secret signal, our pointer and thumb together, which we used to “give a kiss” in public by poking the other person. While it sounds silly, this helped us feel connected throughout the day. Another downside – it is much harder to get cute photos together when you are worried about outing yourself as a couple!

Were we SAFE

Absolutely. This trip more than others lacked moments of a triggered sixth sense. I never felt targeted, unsafe or remotely at risk. If anything, we were unseen and unable to express ourselves, and occasionally Nat’s appearance got us a second look. That being said, again, we made a point of respecting the local culture, laying low, and never ever kissing or even touching in public.

What was the out in Turkey HIGHLIGHT

We were in Taskmin Square at night, in awe of the amount of people out and about. I was scanning the crowd and saw a group of unmistakable young gay Turkish boys, one of whom had spotted Nat and was smiling at her. As I tapped Nat, wanting her to see the cute group, him and I locked eyes. For some reason, I instinctively waved to him. He waved back. I felt giddy with excitement. We had not seen a single other identifiable LGBTQ person our whole trip, so to not only see “family”, but also have this moment of recognition felt like finding community. It warmed my heart. We walked on, without ever sharing more than that little wave. That moment made me feel much more comfortable in Turkey and I carried it with me for the rest of the trip. Remembering it still makes me feel emotional.

I hope this helps if you are considering a trip as an LGBTQ couple or individual. You definitely won’t be hitting the gay clubs and making out with your cutie in the town square, but you will still have a great time, and experience the trip of a lifetime. I’m happy my concerns did not keep us from experiencing all that Turkey has to offer, including the wonderful people.

I hope this inspires you to get out, wherever you are.

Love,

Nat and Riki